Learning Obedience

Sometimes there are moments that I know have been small turning points in the right direction. Today we had one of those.

To back up a bit, the past few days have been fabulous but exhausting days. We have had a flurry of activity - Christmas with Zach's parents and with my brother-in-law and his family. We then went to the high school state championship game for Zach's high school team. And they won state!! Woohoo Wildcats!! So rather than traveling to Zach's parents' home for Christmas - everyone came to our area for the big game. It was lots of fun and a wonderful time to spend with family. The girls really enjoyed getting to know their grandparents and extended family a little better and received some great gifts that have been thoroughly enjoyed. But at the same time it was lots of going, lots of sugary food, and no routine. Oh and then after church yesterday we had a cookie baking marathon. All this led to a few struggles that we saw at Thanksgiving as well. It started slow but by Sunday afternoon I felt an undercurrent of irritability. Nothing major but a lot of us were getting grumpy (me included) and this led to some grumpy attitudes towards one another. Now to be honest - I was feeling perhaps more irritable than anyone and was having trouble with my own attitude. I knew this was occurring but until I had a little time to get away and pray and regain my perspective until today. I was just kinda hanging on but certainly not doing good!

So anyways, the history of the past few days stated - today I had some time to go run some last minute Christmas errands, return some phone calls, and even eat lunch all alone :) Our fabulous helper, Katherine, had done a great job as always of loving on the kids, playing a ton of games, and keeping things on a reasonable routine while I was gone. When I arrived back home everyone was very happy but I could feel still a subtle undercurrent of frustration from Katya. I knew she was feeling frustrated and was being moody. I knew that we had not had the greatest interactions yesterday and that I had not handled her minor bouts of grumpiness and subtle disobedience very well yesterday. I could feel that there was a little distance between us. I knew that we needed to bridge this gap and reconnect. I believe that anytime there is a relational problem between myself and any of my children - no matter how small - it needs to be resolved fully before it grows much bigger. So I invited her to go outside and jump on the trampoline with me. She declined which is very unusual. I went anyways and soon all the other kids were jumping with me. She rode her bike around and seemed happy enough but I knew something was going on. We talked a bit and I asked her again to jump. She happily said no but I knew something was up. Soon she rode on past us and headed towards my parents' house. We have a strict rule that the kids may ride in the circle that goes around the property (and past my parents' house), but that they may not go into my parents' house without asking permission first. We have made this crystal clear and there was no doubt that it was understood. I had the sinking feeling that Katya was not just going for a ride around the circle but was going to their house. I followed her and discovered I was right - she was inside. Now this is not a huge deal all by itself, but it was a clear act of willful disobedience - perhaps one of the first we have really encountered with the girls. She knew that she was wrong and told me that she was sorry but I told her that it was not okay to not listen to us. I took her home and told her that Daddy and I would be in to talk to her.

We went in to her room together, sat with her on her bed, and told her how very much we loved her. We asked her if she had listened to us. She at first said yes with a scowl but after a few more questions she admitted that she had not listened. We explained that it was not polite to just go into people's houses without asking first and that we understood that she wanted to see her grandparents but that she must ask first. We also explained that we loved her and that it was not good for her to disobey - that it hurt her 'heart' to disobey. She agreed! She said she was sorry. We then gave her a small consequence and she began to cry but she hugged me while crying. I told her many times how much we loved her all the time and that I loved her even when she did not listen. The important thing about this is that even though this was a minor offense it was big because she so clearly knew that she was disobeying. So after we corrected her and gave a small consequence she cried but then all the frustration melted away. We played a wonderful game of Uno and laughed together and there was a deeper connection for both me and her. We had reconciled and she learned that we love her too much to let her disobey. It is not about us - it is about her heart being right. She did not feel happy when she was disobeying - she was miserable and distanced from us. But when she was corrected and realized that we loved her enough to be consistent, her anxiety dissipated and she was once again able to feel connected with us rather than at odds with us.

We then went on to enjoy a sweet time together as a family, eating dinner, having a lively discussion about our Christmas devotion, and curling up on the couch for a family movie night - The Nativity (which had to be paused many times for explanations :))!

Funny thing is, I feel more at peace and my frustration is gone now too. I felt irritation because I was letting small disobedience issues go unresolved. So I am thankful that I had a day to recharge a little and that God gave us such a sweet time of bonding tonight.